What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 01:54
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She found it foreign!.
How can you know if they are your twin flame and not limerence or obsession?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
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So, i spoilt her more .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Comes on , in middle age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So whats the point in blame.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
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I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We all went to grammer schools
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why does Africa have all mineral resources but she is suffering economically?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What is the American mobile phone number format?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Put me off passion for life!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But it wasn’t much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I said to her
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I waited trembling.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Would this be the day?
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i lived it daily.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
I think the readers, may guess!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
(And it was in our own minds.)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I have no regrets .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was seconnd youngest,
He resisted the act ,that day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was 9 years of age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She loved him until the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She married twice! .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im still living with it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Who then, do I blame.?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is soul school!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We were not on the streets..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He knew the spot.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.